Again, this post will be no help, only the people involved would understand what I wrote. Sorry about all these but its a big part of my life. Useful posts will come up next=]
The sound of my watch grow extensively loud today, a big choice is upon me, a junction in front of me, both leading to an unknown future. The ticking is like a constant reminder to me, time is the essence. I know, when the choice is made, there will be no turning back, no regrets. I admit, its been a real burden, occupying my mind each and everyday. But now, the choice will be made, and it is made.
The sound of my watch later got overwhelmed by the sound of my heartbeat, staring blankly at my computer, fingers on top of "ENTER", mind shrouded, thinking: " Is this what I want? There will be no guarantee what happens next will be in my favor." Still unsure, a clear voice spoke: "The path you chose may not be the life you wanted, but you are sure that the life you have now is not what you wanted." So, I hit "ENTER". There goes my choice, hope is the only thing I can depend on right now.
I am sure, more rumors about me will rise and spread. I can only take that as a part of my punishment, for hurting someone, or a kind of retribution, although its far from enough, at least, its something for me to feel less guilty about. Rumors about me I don't care that much, I know what I am doing and What I will be facing. I've made a choice, the consequences had already gone through my considerations. What I am worried about is the consequences that will fall upon others with my choice. Someone would end up getting hurt, another might suffer from more rumors. Therefore, I shall take my own responsibility for my choice. Better or worse, its my choice, its the burden of the consequences I shall bear.
I am no saint and I never will be. I've been selfish and more by making this choice. I am not my normal self by making this choice. Normally, I would play safe, knowing there's no guarantee by choosing this, I would not go for it. But, this time, something about this choice had made me abandon my principles, my guidelines for safety. I decided to risk everything, to give up what I have in hand, to go for the uncertain future of this choice. Again, all I can do now is hope for the best.
I never regret the times I shared, and I never will. Its just that time goes by, after all those incidents, it changed me. I loved, I cried and I am tired of all those. Don't worry, it is not the other choice that made me give up the other. Its just that, I am tired. Who knows what will happen next? Might be better, might be worse. But, I will keep one sentence in mind, by my friend Mr. Jeremy Lim:" Comparison is the worst a man can do. " Never compare the choices and appreciate for whatever I will get.
This is the end. This is also the beginning of a whole new chapter of my life. Thanks my friends for being there for me, again. Mr.act cute king, Mr.love saint, Mr.sorry,Mr.probation and Ms.cat. You guys gave me opinions when I am in need. Thanks.
*The end of one is the beginning of another"
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